Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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