how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
