Im at strip club and am horny
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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