worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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