He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
