wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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