Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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