Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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