I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you never un-have a 4some
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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