from now on my penis is your penis
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
