You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
