why didn't you poke me back
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
