he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
