i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
