I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
