Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh god it's open bar.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
