omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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