If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
