Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
