"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
