her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
