I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
