im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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