9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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