But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
