Cold hands, warm shart.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
