During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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