I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
