I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have fence marks all over my body
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
