You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
