she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your penis caused this!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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