I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
