so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
