the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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