I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
