eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
