I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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