return my video game
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
