I bet he comes in French.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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