He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
