**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
