Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
