Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
