Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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