i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
