I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
