It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
