If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
