she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
