I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
