Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
