My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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