I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
