Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
