How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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